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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 16, 2007 23:25:11 GMT -5
All right, David, get ready for the criticism party of your life... On his ride back to the castle Abe rides furiously through the woods, dodging the branches on his path. Just before he peaks the hill, bursting through the woods to the castle grounds he finds the Queen and King's carriage sitting outside, filled with Princess Ginger's luggage. Alarmed and apprehensive, he leaps off his horse and dashes into the castle to find Ginger. Calling for her but finding no one, he runs up stairs and into her room to find her sitting on the bed with the Queen and King. Worried, he steps up to Ginger to ask her what's going on, but the Queen steps up to him and places her hand on his shoulder; "Are you truly in love with my daughter?" she asks. He nods yes and looks over to Ginger, smiling. The Queen reaches her hand over to Ginger and pulls her close, linking her hand with his then looks to them both and smiles, "then only you have the power to make her happier than she's ever been here. I finally know my daughter's heart, and what she's longed for...she finally has; that's you, Mr. Lee, and I expect you to keep her smiling as she is today until you both take your final breath." Abe looks to Ginger and caresses his finger across her hand, gazing into her eyes, "I promise..." he whispers. The Queen smiles at the two and excuses herself from the room, leaving the two alone. Curious about where Abe had gone, she questions him about leaving so abruptly. He looks down and reaches into his pocket, taking out the ring that belonged to his grandmother and places it on her finger. Ginger gasps and fixes her eyes upon the ring. With excitement she throws her arms around his neck and begins to sob tears of joy. He gently releases her from his embrace and questions why her luggage is in the carriage. She says sweetly, as if he should know, "I have no need for the clothes any longer and I decided to give them to the market." "So you're not leaving?" he asks. "Of course not! I'm marrying you, aren't I?" she giggles while hugging him tightly. A huge smile plays across his face and he picks her up in his arms and runs down to the lobby. They pass her mother when Ginger calls out, "Goodbye, mother!" The Queen smiles and shouts to the two, "Goodbye, darling! You keep her safe, you understand Abe?" He nods his head and laughs, "I intend to, your highness!" "Call me, mom!" The Queen giggles as the two bound out the door and leap on the horse. Abe pulls Ginger up onto the horse and the two ride off to get married.
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 16, 2007 23:52:05 GMT -5
sis whos david?
how romantic by the way. heehee!
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 17, 2007 2:07:11 GMT -5
David is a family friend who's...*ahem* very "strict" on writing. He's a genius who reads some of our stories and critiques me on the side just a bit ;D
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 17, 2007 10:22:38 GMT -5
oh......well i must say! heehee
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 17, 2007 10:58:38 GMT -5
they stop at the little cottage to get some things before going to get married.
abe: hold on darling while i get a couple things
ginger: sure darling
abe walks in and sees cass while greer is in the kitchen cooking.
abe goes to his room and searches through his droors while ginger comes in and whispers to cass.
ginger:have you told her yet?
cass: not exactly...have you told abe yet?
ginger: he figured it out on his own
cass: i cant tell her now*as greer peeks around the corner and sees them chatting;cass doesnt see her*
ginger: youre a prince cass, you have to tell her sometime
cass: i know, i know, i just dont know how to tell her.
greer hears this and puts her hand over her mouth and walks back into the kitchen shocked
ginger walks into the kitchen to say goodbye to greer then they hug and ginger goes out to the horse and waits for abe.
abe:*walking into the kitchen*im gonna miss you sis!
greer: be happy with her okay*trying to hide her being upset*
abe: take care, i love you
greer: bye, i love you.
abe: cass you better take care of her of ill hurt you
cass: yes sir
abe and ginger leave on their dashing horse off to get married.
greer starts to cry in the kitchen when cass walks in and sees her
cass: *walking over to her* whats wrong darling?
greer: oh nothing
cass:* turns her around *tell me why you are upset
greer:well youre a prince and you can only marry a princess cant you?
cass: how did you know?
greer: i overheard you talking to ginger
cass: oh
greer: why didnt you tell me?
cass: who says i have to marry a princess
greer: the law?
cass: darling, i love you and i am going to marry you.
greer: really?
cass: yes, and nothing is going to stop us
a tear stroll's down her cheek as cass pulls her in for a kiss, with a spatula in one hand and her other hand around his neck.
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 17, 2007 14:45:52 GMT -5
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Post by BetterThanPoe on Jul 17, 2007 14:45:53 GMT -5
Well, someone asked for comments so they will be forth coming!!
We shall start with carriages. There are royal carriages, the kings, and the queens.....They do not enjoy sharing that much.
If one was indeed apprehensive one would be reluctant to jump off a horse and dash. What is with all the running? Are there deep roots to this strange sense of urgency. Make me feel tired from reading.
Why does he look down before reaching into his pocket? Does he know where his pocket is? Is he unsure about something or himself? Perhaps they are new clothes. He does enjoy dressing well.
Then there is more running, this time while holding another person, then followed by bounding and leaping. Very energetic verbs but are they really necessary. Where are the adverbs?
All in all not too bad.
David
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 17, 2007 15:14:31 GMT -5
Dear David,
Bounding, leaping, prancing, dashing, sprinting and running are to ensure that the reader (singular) understands the urgency of the situation and will perhaps understand that Abe is not just waltzing around in the woods, taking his time and smelling the flowers while his fiance' could quite possibly be on her way out the door along with the King and Queen. If only I could fully grasp intelligence this wouldn't be so darn difficult!
And to answer your question about the "looking down before reaching into his pocket", he's a very shy guy and wants to make sure that he--*sigh* you haven't seen a lot of Gary Cooper movies, have you? lol, I'm trying to, in many posts, explain what I've seen him do in movies. The "awwww, shucks" kind of personality is mainly what I want to portray.
Gosh, I love this! Thanks again, David!! This is a blast ;D
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 17, 2007 21:22:29 GMT -5
hello david! thank you for the constructive criticism, am i next?heehee
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Post by BetterThanPoe on Jul 17, 2007 21:45:35 GMT -5
I'll give it to whomever wants it. I might be a little fuzzy on that whole constructive thing.......
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 18, 2007 23:30:29 GMT -5
Awwwwwwwwwwww, Theresa! That's adorable! But now I'm gonna cry...because our story's almost over *During the early evening of their first hours as husband and wife, Ginger and Abe sit atop their favorite hill in the misty woods, full of blossoming lilacs and daisies, relishing in the time spent alone and finally unladen with the burden of false identity lingering and smothering their love. Ginger looks up to Abe and smiles sweetly. "What?" he chuckles inquisitively. "Oh, nothing," she smirks, " I was just wondering where we're gonna live now that I have no home--" "We'll live in my house, of course." he says, as if that fixes everything. "I'm sure Greer would want to keep that home for herself. Besides, what if Cass and her get married? Wouldn't you suppose she'd like to keep that house in the family?" He hesitates for a while then takes a deep sigh. "I worked hard to maintain and keep that land. Couldn't Cass buy her a new house? It is the man's responsibilty to take care of his girl..." Abe leans in and kisses her forehead softly. Ginger smiles and nods her head, still unsure,"if you think she'll agree; I don't mind where I lay my head, just so long as you're with me and will keep me safe; that's all that matters." He gazes deep into her eyes, taking her hands gently in his and caressing them with his thumb lightly. "I promise; you'll be treated like a Princess" The two laugh and continue to cuddle as the sun begins to disappear behind the mountains.*
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 19, 2007 0:13:19 GMT -5
cass: darling, have you ever wanted to be a princess?
greer:uh......i never thought about it, why?
cass: well the kingdom needs a future queen
greer: oh i couldnt do that, i wouldnt know the first thing about helping you run a king-
cass: that's just it, we will help each other through everything
greer: yes, but do you think i have it in me to forgo fancy clothes, and expensive jewels, and instead be a benefactrice to half the town?
cass:........
greer: in other words....to be a credit to you?(from hello, dolly! heehee!)
cass: darling, you can be anything you want to be.
greer:oh thank you darling......and abe and ginger can have this cottage, although im going to miss the memories i have here......
greer: you know that appeals to you too
cass: what?
greer: you can be the best king, if you want to
cass: now that youre here, anything is possible for me!
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 19, 2007 0:23:57 GMT -5
The End.
*Throws herself on Theresa and sobs obnoxiously*
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 19, 2007 0:32:09 GMT -5
i guess it is the end if you want it to be sis. the end! okay now its the end. heehee
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 19, 2007 0:35:14 GMT -5
Now we have to come up with another
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 19, 2007 0:38:47 GMT -5
oh goodie!!! lets think........are ya thinking?
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Post by *~Mrs. Cooper ~* on Jul 19, 2007 0:40:02 GMT -5
Not often, but I'll make a special effort tonight.
I really love the military stories, but I don't want it to be following too closely to the one we already have going...
Hmmmm, I'll stew over it a while longer.
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Post by butterscotchgreer on Jul 19, 2007 0:44:21 GMT -5
me too sis! ill dream one up tonight,,,,,i bet gary will pop up somewhere. heehee
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